well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
