I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Green mimosas i think yes
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sorry about my life...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
