You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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