I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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