just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
