Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He? As in you personified your dick?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
