I cannot find my penis.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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