1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
