i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
