I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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