Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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