I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sorry about my life...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
