So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
