Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
