what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
