If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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