I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We got so high we made milksteak
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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