HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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