You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just cropdusted the office
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
