If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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