we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
