By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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