I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
