Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You should frame my arrest warrant.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
