i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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