he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
