shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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