I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
