wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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