At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
