I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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