I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
That reminds me...we need to get swords
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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