There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
