Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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