Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
