some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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