It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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