So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I fill condoms, not promises.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
