Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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