I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
