I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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