My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
