I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
