Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
