did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
