Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
