I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
