Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
