i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
