The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
