Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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