He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
