when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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