they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
